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Saturday, March 18, 2017

HUNTING WHAT CAN KILL YOU

          If you can't kill an animal with a gun, you're a moron. Or you're stupid in some basic way....
                  Killing an animal with a gun is no great achievement. It all depends on the animal and the caliber of the gun your 're --- killing a Kodiak bear with a .22, that might take some talent.
But WHY?
                Shooting a lynx, well you gotta be good. They are so quick and smart ( and they are planners)  And they are fast.. and they never run in a straight line, at least not for long.
You can kill them,, but you yourself have to plan ahead.
               AND they're beautiful animals. I made a tenuous peace with the mother who lived around my cabin. She was even purring one night. But that is another story
                

                 There is one creature, however, you don't want to fuck with... The natives call them "The Devil Beast."  You track him, he' circle around and track you.... The wolverine was smart and sneaky and tough and objectionable enough... But once they were modified with human DNA, they got smarter, sneakier, more deceptive and a lot bigger.
                They also got an erotic taste for human ass.  But that, too, is another story. Artie got nailed from behind by a big nasty Devil Beast... Artie was drunk at the time, so that helped the experience.
               He also got raped one time when he was sober.
                "That was a different matter," he says. "That was truly horrific - worse than any horror mover I ever seen," he confides in me across the bar. Soon as the subject of male rape by 100 pound weasels arose - I noticed Artie started sweating profusely.  The stink of FEAR was on him. I could smell it even
five feet away. Made me think.
               The Devil Beasts probably love the stink of  fear.
I think it arouses them.... And you don't want to be caught pissing in the north bush with your pants down -unless you have  looked behind you very carefully - every thirty seconds or so.
              If you want to see Artie start to shake suddenly - bring up this subject and watch what happens to his knees. Then his hands start to shake, too. And you don't want that in a bartender.
            That fucking army base east of Inuvik, north of the hills of the Cave Bear People.... They really threw off the balance of nature up here with their dark experiments.
            That year wolverines became the Devil Beasts and everything changed.  If you want to hunt one, be my guest.
Better bring a gun with a high caliber and massive stopping power - and it had better be on full automatic - even if you are an excellent shot.
             (Your aim sometimes falters when you bowels suddenly turn to liquid inside you)





(C)2017 by William G. Milne