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Thursday, June 7, 2012

ROVING REPORTER RANTS: ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM BLIND JIMMY!

ROVING REPORTER RANTS: ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM BLIND JIMMY!

MESSAGE FROM BLIND JIMMY (part two)

Editors' Note:
__________

We are working under difficult conditions here. The notes that fool
sends us are scrunched all  up - as if some madman tried to hide
these writings. As if the moron believed he was being followed -
drunk as all too usual... and the man is supposed to be a writer!.
Well, you won't be a writer for long if you are consumed by drink
and the taking of chemicals.

       But, in our Roving Reporter's defense... And he was a defence
attorney...     ....     ... Given his nature, he could scarsely  have been anything
else.  Hell, how do you spell defence? How do you spell scarcely?
I'm getting pissed off, and I'm not even the writer!
My goodness... in all honesty ( which ha! ha! is our policy) someone
should edit this. Oh, gee, that someone is me.

                           Please tell me I have not gone mad..
        We always knew Blind Jimmy had crossed the line.
had climbed the wrong apple tree, had prayed at the wrong picture of the
President (Nixon)...  ...  ... Was three bricks short of a load,
was a low watt bulb on a bright stage of spotlights,
was the poor white cousin nobody ever mentioned,
the drooling pervert we thought was locked away forever,
but who just showed up last week on our block...
We called the cops, but that's usually a bad idea in this
neighbourhood
    

                   ___________________________


May I speak?

It's me again. Your intrepid, truthful crusading reporter. And we are returning to the
the note from Blind Jimmy. We'll call it "Part Two"


MADNESS FROM SEVERAL SOURCES
PART TWO:   MESSAGE   FROM BLIND JIMMY

-----------------------------------------------------
Things seem to be exploding in the microwave.
And I fell asleep making my specialty (boiled eggs).
So now I have to eat remnants, this, my other specialty:
"Exploded Eggs."
The beauty of this dish (I can hear the French waiter saying it):
"You must scrape it off the ceiling...
before you have your first taste... delectable!)



Oh God, is there no editor? Am I all alone here?
I can't spell in the evenings.The evening just began
 after my work day... 6:15 AM.




      Have you evr had mornings like this?
Maybe not... ( I just heard some noise. My next
door neighbour is getting his Court-ordered
injection.) This is how I met my wife.

Thank God they're
gone!
       I support forcible needles such as this...
But only for dyed-in-the-wool, no hope
repetitive rapists.... not just one poor
guy aroused beyond the limits
of his impoverished brain.... by a really
sexy car commercial.
         You are free to not agree.



          Have you ever had mornings like this?
Maybe not.
           Well, if you're living south of 60,
you probably do not hear the ravens
gurgling pre-dawn through your open
window.
             I'm living south of sixty, so this
shouldn't be happening to me.
             
            












ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM BLIND JIMMY!

ANOTHER MESSAGE FROM BLIND JIMMY:
______________________________________



        I"M SURE YOU HAVEN'T ( ha! Ha!), but
have you ever woken up facedown in bed,
and looked out through a far too open window
with no screen on it.... And you think this
in your mind, without any previous thought
touching your brain, you think: "OOOOoooooooo,
I'm such an asshole!"

       Now if this has never happened to you,
well, I'm surprised. Because it has happened to your
Roving Reporter many times, and after all,
in my office we believe in truth and  integrity
at all costs.
        Some times  the cost is quite high.
         Sometimes such honesty is so costly
that you'll lose another reporting job.
          Maybe this is why I'm writing you now
for free.

         I just heard a voice and I
looked up suddenly (which is always
a mistake with a hangover). I suppose it
must have been my voice. It wasn't
"The Cat That Someone Forced Me to Take",
because, crazy beast that she can be, she usually
doesn't talk... she merely stares at me in
a most disquieting way.
      
        I find eye contact disturbing at times
such as this. Especially when I look
in the mirror.
        Now I don't have any mirrors
in this apartment.... Not true! There's one in the
bathroom. But the Big Guy hasn't bought a
light bulb in seven months. Me, I don't need a
mirror. But some of the other personalities
do like to look at themselves.

        I went to the dentist in the middle
of last week. He said, "I'm going to pull
some teeth."
         I tried to say "WTF"! but there were
at least three hands in my mouth and
my protest didn't come out coherently..
          He said, "I'm only going to pull some
teeth from the left side."
           I woke up this morning, looked in
the mirror that wasn't there and said:
"Dear God! I hope the left side
was the right side!"