Saturday, July 20, 2019

AT THE FULL OF THE MOON-- lyrics blues song

I woke up this morning -- feeling like shit
The birds in the bushes sing a sweet fluid tune
I gotta do some work - maybe dig me a ditch
Or I'll play some notes real loud - at the full of the moon

When I'm all alone, I have my guitar
And I'll drink some wine - play from midnight until noon
I play sweet  and loud - I don't need no car
I dream I'm with my woman - at the full of the moon

There's sweet Annie - to her, love's a snap
I'll play notes for her - we'll dance until we swoon
I don't need no politics - nothing like that
I'll  play our sweet lovin - at the full of the moon

Woke up this morning - feel like a heart attack
There's nobody here - and no one's coming soon
I threw out the women - and they're not coming back
I'll just dance a twirl and howl -  at the full of the moon

Dr. John - Mama Roux

Tuesday, July 16, 2019


   When I run after what I think I want, 
my days are a furnace of  stress and anxiety;
If I sit in my own place of patience
what I need flows to me and without pain.
From this I understand that
what I want also wants me,
is looking for me and attracting me.
There is a great secret here
for any one who can grasp it.

from Rumi

Wednesday, July 3, 2019


The roshi, teacher, master of the zen temple at Rochester and I, somehow we became close.
Even though we said very few words to each other, our Minds became One.

So I quote this translation from that temple:

Hsin Hsin Ming
Chant version used by the Rochester Zen Center
The Great Way is not difficult
for those who do not pick and choose.

When pref'rences are cast aside
the Way stands clear and undisguised.

But even slight distinctions made
set earth and heaven far apart.

If you would clearly see the truth,
discard opinions pro and con.

To founder in dislike and like
is nothing but the mind's disease.

And not to see the Way's deep truth
disturbs the mind's essential peace.

The Way is perfect like vast space,
where there's no lack and no excess.

Our choice to choose and to reject
prevents our see'ng this simple truth.

Both striving for the outer world
as well as for the inner void
condemn us to entangled lives.

Just calmly see that all is One
and by themselves false views will go.

Attempts to stop activity
will fill you with activity.

If there's a trace of right and wrong,
True-mind is lost, confused, distraught.

From One-mind comes duality,
but cling not even to this One.

When this One-mind rests undisturbed
then nothing in the world offends.

And when no thing can give offense,
then all obstructions cease to be.

If all thought-objects disappear
the thinking subject drops away.

For things are things because of mind,
as mind is mind because of things.

These two are merely relative
and both at source are Emptiness.

In Emptiness these are not two,
yet in each are contained all forms.

Once coarse and fine are seen no more,
then how can there be taking sides?

The Great Way is without limit,
beyond the easy and the hard.

But those who hold to narrow views
are fearful and irresolute;
their frantic haste just slows them down.

If you're attached to anything,
you surely will go far astray.

Both gain and loss, and right and wrong--
once and for all get rid of them.

When you no longer are asleep,
all dreams will vanish by themselves.

If mind does not discriminate,
all things are as they are, as One.

To go to this mysterious Source
frees us from all entanglements.

When all is seen with "equal mind,"
to our Self-nature we return.

This single mind goes right beyond
all reasons and comparison.

Seek movement and there's no-movement,
seek rest and no-rest comes instead.

When rest and no-rest cease to be,
then even oneness disappears.

This ultimate finality's
beyond all laws, can't be described.

With single mind one with the Way,
all ego-centered strivings cease;

Doubts and confusion disappear,
and so true faith pervades our life

There is no thing that clings to us,
and nothing that is left behind.

Remaining in duality,
you'll never know of unity.

And not to know this unity
lets conflict lead you far astray.

When you assert that things are real
you miss their true reality.

But to assert that things are void
also misses reality.

The more you talk and think on this
the further from the truth you'll be.

Cut off all useless thoughts and words
and there's nowhere you cannot go.

Returning to the root itself,
you'll find the meaning of all things.

If you pursue appearances
you overlook the primal source.

Awak'ning is to go beyond
both emptiness as well as form.

All changes in this empty world
seem real because of ignorance.

Do not go searching for the truth,
just let those fond opinions go.

Abide not in duality,
refrain from all pursuit of it.

Just let go now of clinging mind,
and all things are just as they are.
In essence nothing goes or stays.

See into the true self of things,
and you're in step with the Great Way,
thus walking freely, undisturbed.

But live in bondage to your thoughts,
and you will be confused, unclear.

This heavy burden weighs you down--
so why keep judging good and bad?

If you would walk the highest Way,
do not reject the sense domain.

For as it is, whole and complete,
this sense world is enlightenment.

The wise do not strive after goals,
but fools themselves in bondage put.

The One Way knows no diff'rences,
the foolish cling to this and that.

To seek Great Mind with thinking mind
is certainly a grave mistake.

From small mind come rest and unrest,
but mind awakened transcends both.

Delusion spawns dualities--
these dreams are merely flow'rs of air--
why work so hard at grasping them?

All's self-revealing, void and clear,
without exerting power of mind.

Thought cannot reach this state of truth,
here feelings are of no avail.

In this true world of Emptiness
both self and other are no more.

To enter this true empty world,
immediately affirm "not-two."

In this "not-two" all is the same,
with nothing separate or outside.

The wise in all times and places
awaken to this primal truth.

The Way's beyond all space, all time,
one instant is ten thousand years.

Not only here, not only there,
truth's right before your very eyes.

Distinctions such as large and small
have relevance for you no more.

The largest is the smallest too--
here limitations have no place.

What is is not, what is not is --
if this is not yet clear to you,
you're still far from the inner truth.

One thing is all, all things are one--
know this and all's whole and complete.

When faith and Mind are not separate,
and not separate are Mind and faith,
this is beyond all words, all thought

For here there is no yesterday,
no tomorrow,
no today.
Source: Pages 16-22 of "Rochester Zen Center's Chant Book Copyright Rochester Zen Center 1990."
Used with permission of the Rochester Zen Center.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019


What had happened to me?

I wanted to know

on that Christmas morning

all alone

I saw one star

amid a sky of cloud

I didn't understand

it wasn't possible

and I wondered with all those lost     dreams 

where I had gone

and lost myself beneath the wave

beyond the farthest mountain

under the sea

where lady with her red dress

was waiting

II saw fear in the great mirages
success, death, happiness
little did I know that
none of those
was permanent

I had to seem so tough
to confront you
a regular he-man
a regular screw
whatever happened to the child I knew
in the land of Nod?

then I started laughing
I laughed with that last star
as God's eye opened
and blessed me from afar
from beyond the rusted alleys
and the wasted streets
and the dull grey depression
that greets every success-bound
boy - a real rube I was
to some other tune

but then the laughter started
I don't know when it came
I just know that I no longer
was the same
the dark days had broken
their bats' wings on the walls
your gloomy illusion
did completely fall

and I was free again
free as I had been
free as the open skies
above a sheath of rain

free as the dark wildcat
with her quivered thighs
free as the sweet child
who no longer fears the night

free as the lost shepherd
coming home again
free as all the little boys
lost in the rain
with just a leather jacket
and nothing in his pants
free as the dark pines
towering over me

with a great Significance
oh don't ask what it means
free without the dark tide
that consumed my life
free as the lost chickens
playing in the grass
free as the adolescents
checking out the ass
of every passing schoolgirl
free as horses and maidens
sailing ships that pass

free as fourth of July crackers
as a madman's laugh
free as crickets in the night
and the crimson tide of death

free as dark beginnings
so lost then in the night
free as bears in the forest
walking on my path
and now in the forest laughing
laughing a new laugh

free as Christmas morning
with a little child
free as all true lovers
across the miles
free as broken English
on a sea-side holiday
free as new tires squealing
at the crack of day

free as the dark night
when all is lost
free as the new morning
drenched in the rain

and now I'm here without you
and I'm glad again
whatever did happen
to all the pain?

(C)2000 by W.G. Milne


Sunday, June 23, 2019


There’s a man sitting on a chair
in the middle of an empty room.

He’s hearing various voices, and talking
to some of them. characters he’s drawn up - but very real to him…personalities he does not
wish to lose… that arise out of and return to
some plenum void of the unconscious. In his
head he’s got almost all the characters
for a Shakespearian drama
Characters all based on real people,
some of them still alive, many of them dead,
and echoes he has heard of voices in
the night… some of them coming from
across the sea.
What’s worse is… the people downstairs,
the very real people are plotting to have him arrested….And he can hear their thoughts
The wife in particular is getting
annoyed that Charlie is constantly crushing his
medications… and snorting them… and of course
Charlie begins to get paranoid.
He endures waves of paranoid
fantasies, especially when he
is high from inhaling too much medical fuel.
When he is high he has preternatural
hearing — he can hear for miles, with a clarity
he can’t explain…it is almost supernatural
what he can hear.
And he’s hearing too much of the moralistic, complaining wife, droning on about calling the police.

Charlie: (growls in his throat) Or maybe she’s calling a priest. A S&M hooker priest with high heels and stockings
Have her read the sexual last rites to me while
berating my name…Staring down at me
with that great ass… (Charlie loves his landlady’s ass)

She: He’s cutting drugs up,
there. That’s all he’s done for days

Husband: It’s not cocaine… it’s just
anti-depressants - he snorts
them. ‘Just to curb the hunger inside.’
That’s what he said when I asked what
the fuck was he pounding and scraping at…

Husband shouts:We hear it real clear thru the floor!

She’s shouting up at the ceiling: “We hear you
when you masturbate, too!
Can’t you take it easy with the grunts and pounding, and that slapping sound?
It’s like somebody kicking a heavy bag…
What the hell is that?”

Husband: It sounds like he’s whipping

Wife: Let’s call the cops.. He’s making
horrible noises! What is he puking
up… a lung?

Husband: No! No cops around here! Last
time you called the cops on a
tenant, they almost took me away!

She grabs for the phone…



He: You can take a punch better than that! *

She: (crying, fondling a knife in her left hand,
the hand Shaky, the husband, can’t see).

He: “He pays his rent real regular and we need it.”

She: That crazy place up the hill pays his rent.

He: Naw, he pays it. He don’t want nothin more
to do with the crazy house. By the way,
They don’t call them crazy houses anymore.
They call them asylums…It’s more polite.

Brenda: swirls the olive in her drink, Says:
“It’ll always be the nuthouse to me.”
(pause…swirls the olive, one stockinged
leg crossed over the other, high heel shoe
slowly nodding in the air)

She: “I don’t care what they call it.
If you start hearing voices, you should be
locked up. These psychos can turn on you
at any time..Soon as they’re off their
medication, their dicks work again!
That fucker upstairs, he’s hearing voices all
the time!

Husband (Shaky): He’s hearing your voice!
You can bet on that!

She: He looks at me, stares right at my crotch
and he sniffs the air.HE SNIFFS THE AIR
stares at my ass…with those red eyes of his.
Like some beast in the forest at night!

Cassie, the wife,she continues: "Yeah, they get off their medication, then their dicks work again.
Then all they want to do is RAPE WHITE WOMEN!

He: I get it! I understand!

She: You should see the way he looks at me! And I can tell he’s got something in his hand!

He: Hell, I look at you that way,too!
You cut me off that pussy of yours
for a month, I'm running around with a tent pole
looking to fuck somethin’… anything warm.

She: Hey! Is that all you think I am
a warm pussy and a gorgeous ass?

He: slaps her ass, says: "I love that big ass
of yours. Right now,,, let me tongue your
ass hole.. Then call me a pig, tell me how
I’m weak, indecisive & obedient… and what a pig
I am. And how I have a small cock!
She: Honey, your cock is huge that’s why
I’m with you. It’s sure not your personality.
Ha! Ha!
He: Tell me it’s small! Go ahead, insult me!
She: "You’re a moron. You’ve got the job
of a moron! And the salary to match!”
He: Not like that! You know what I mean!
(He’s jacking off)

She: “You’re a premature ejaculator
He: That’s it! (he pants) What else?
She: You’ve been soft 90% of the time all
this year..!
He… yeah, that’s good! (beating off) Keep going!
She: And when you’re not soft, your cock
is too small to bother with…
He: YES!

She: I feel that beast upstairs staring
at me… I get all tingly between
my knees…
He: Yah?
She: I want him to beat me the way
he beats his meat. I want him
to beat my ass with a stick! Then
I want him to fuck me…

He: (panting)
She: I want him to fuck me 'til I scream!
He: (gasping. His hand is a blur it’s
moving so fast)
She: I can tell by his eyes that’s he’s
got a big dick…And he knows how
to use it, too. He’d have no trouble
getting it in me. All the way in me. Deep!

He: (… …)

She: He might be crazy,
but some crazy people have huge cocks!
I just bet he’s one of them… I want him
to fuck me with his huge cock!

He: (breathing hard) Don’t stop!
She: Those rare times when you get hard…

He: yah……………..?

She: You last about a minute…

He: "urf!" (he’s masturbating wildly… making
high-pitched hooting sounds …. as if he’s
being goosed repeatedly)

She: "What kind of a man are you? You crawl
across the bed towards me….

He: (panting)

She: You try to mount me…. but you’re too
pathetic to achieve penetration…. you
know what happens…

He: (He knows what happens, all right. It’s
beginning to happen now…. his dick is
twitching, throbbing up and down… the
eye of his considerable schlong winks
at her, before)…. just before…
his member which he’s pulling at with
both hands… begins to spurt in all
directions, especially hers…

She: You came on my stockings! Just now!
Once again!.. you didn’t make it
did you?

He: Noooooo!
She: You didn’t achieve penetration!
You’re pathetic! You came on my leg!
She: You know what you have to do now,
don’t you…
He: Yes. ma'am, I sure do.
He crawls over between her legs,
pushes his nose up between the lips of her
He knows all right. Yes, he does.
He sure does. He slips his tongue deep
inside her and allows it to happen.
…The gasping… The quivering…
©2014 Walker Ballantine