Sunday, June 23, 2019


There’s a man sitting on a chair
in the middle of an empty room.

He’s hearing various voices, and talking
to some of them. characters he’s drawn up - but very real to him…personalities he does not
wish to lose… that arise out of and return to
some plenum void of the unconscious. In his
head he’s got almost all the characters
for a Shakespearian drama
Characters all based on real people,
some of them still alive, many of them dead,
and echoes he has heard of voices in
the night… some of them coming from
across the sea.
What’s worse is… the people downstairs,
the very real people are plotting to have him arrested….And he can hear their thoughts
The wife in particular is getting
annoyed that Charlie is constantly crushing his
medications… and snorting them… and of course
Charlie begins to get paranoid.
He endures waves of paranoid
fantasies, especially when he
is high from inhaling too much medical fuel.
When he is high he has preternatural
hearing — he can hear for miles, with a clarity
he can’t explain…it is almost supernatural
what he can hear.
And he’s hearing too much of the moralistic, complaining wife, droning on about calling the police.

Charlie: (growls in his throat) Or maybe she’s calling a priest. A S&M hooker priest with high heels and stockings
Have her read the sexual last rites to me while
berating my name…Staring down at me
with that great ass… (Charlie loves his landlady’s ass)

She: He’s cutting drugs up,
there. That’s all he’s done for days

Husband: It’s not cocaine… it’s just
anti-depressants - he snorts
them. ‘Just to curb the hunger inside.’
That’s what he said when I asked what
the fuck was he pounding and scraping at…

Husband shouts:We hear it real clear thru the floor!

She’s shouting up at the ceiling: “We hear you
when you masturbate, too!
Can’t you take it easy with the grunts and pounding, and that slapping sound?
It’s like somebody kicking a heavy bag…
What the hell is that?”

Husband: It sounds like he’s whipping

Wife: Let’s call the cops.. He’s making
horrible noises! What is he puking
up… a lung?

Husband: No! No cops around here! Last
time you called the cops on a
tenant, they almost took me away!

She grabs for the phone…



He: You can take a punch better than that! *

She: (crying, fondling a knife in her left hand,
the hand Shaky, the husband, can’t see).

He: “He pays his rent real regular and we need it.”

She: That crazy place up the hill pays his rent.

He: Naw, he pays it. He don’t want nothin more
to do with the crazy house. By the way,
They don’t call them crazy houses anymore.
They call them asylums…It’s more polite.

Brenda: swirls the olive in her drink, Says:
“It’ll always be the nuthouse to me.”
(pause…swirls the olive, one stockinged
leg crossed over the other, high heel shoe
slowly nodding in the air)

She: “I don’t care what they call it.
If you start hearing voices, you should be
locked up. These psychos can turn on you
at any time..Soon as they’re off their
medication, their dicks work again!
That fucker upstairs, he’s hearing voices all
the time!

Husband (Shaky): He’s hearing your voice!
You can bet on that!

She: He looks at me, stares right at my crotch
and he sniffs the air.HE SNIFFS THE AIR
stares at my ass…with those red eyes of his.
Like some beast in the forest at night!

Cassie, the wife,she continues: "Yeah, they get off their medication, then their dicks work again.
Then all they want to do is RAPE WHITE WOMEN!

He: I get it! I understand!

She: You should see the way he looks at me! And I can tell he’s got something in his hand!

He: Hell, I look at you that way,too!
You cut me off that pussy of yours
for a month, I'm running around with a tent pole
looking to fuck somethin’… anything warm.

She: Hey! Is that all you think I am
a warm pussy and a gorgeous ass?

He: slaps her ass, says: "I love that big ass
of yours. Right now,,, let me tongue your
ass hole.. Then call me a pig, tell me how
I’m weak, indecisive & obedient… and what a pig
I am. And how I have a small cock!
She: Honey, your cock is huge that’s why
I’m with you. It’s sure not your personality.
Ha! Ha!
He: Tell me it’s small! Go ahead, insult me!
She: "You’re a moron. You’ve got the job
of a moron! And the salary to match!”
He: Not like that! You know what I mean!
(He’s jacking off)

She: “You’re a premature ejaculator
He: That’s it! (he pants) What else?
She: You’ve been soft 90% of the time all
this year..!
He… yeah, that’s good! (beating off) Keep going!
She: And when you’re not soft, your cock
is too small to bother with…
He: YES!

She: I feel that beast upstairs staring
at me… I get all tingly between
my knees…
He: Yah?
She: I want him to beat me the way
he beats his meat. I want him
to beat my ass with a stick! Then
I want him to fuck me…

He: (panting)
She: I want him to fuck me 'til I scream!
He: (gasping. His hand is a blur it’s
moving so fast)
She: I can tell by his eyes that’s he’s
got a big dick…And he knows how
to use it, too. He’d have no trouble
getting it in me. All the way in me. Deep!

He: (… …)

She: He might be crazy,
but some crazy people have huge cocks!
I just bet he’s one of them… I want him
to fuck me with his huge cock!

He: (breathing hard) Don’t stop!
She: Those rare times when you get hard…

He: yah……………..?

She: You last about a minute…

He: "urf!" (he’s masturbating wildly… making
high-pitched hooting sounds …. as if he’s
being goosed repeatedly)

She: "What kind of a man are you? You crawl
across the bed towards me….

He: (panting)

She: You try to mount me…. but you’re too
pathetic to achieve penetration…. you
know what happens…

He: (He knows what happens, all right. It’s
beginning to happen now…. his dick is
twitching, throbbing up and down… the
eye of his considerable schlong winks
at her, before)…. just before…
his member which he’s pulling at with
both hands… begins to spurt in all
directions, especially hers…

She: You came on my stockings! Just now!
Once again!.. you didn’t make it
did you?

He: Noooooo!
She: You didn’t achieve penetration!
You’re pathetic! You came on my leg!
She: You know what you have to do now,
don’t you…
He: Yes. ma'am, I sure do.
He crawls over between her legs,
pushes his nose up between the lips of her
He knows all right. Yes, he does.
He sure does. He slips his tongue deep
inside her and allows it to happen.
…The gasping… The quivering…
©2014 Walker Ballantine


Saturday, June 22, 2019


"While we are in this world, it is fitting for us to acquire
the resurrection, so that when we strip off the flesh we shall be
found in rest and not walk in the middle."
(Gospel of Philip)

Jesus said:"He who drinks the waters from my mouth
will become as I am. I myself shall become he,
and the things that are hidden will be revealed to him."
(Gospel of Thomas)

Where to begin? Unenlightened people in the early days
of Jesus were called "the dead". It was necessary for those
who are dead to be awakened. One must go through the
Great Realization in this life, in order to experience
the Resurrection: one who has gone through 
this experience is called, "risen from the dead".
Realization is a mystery in which "the two become one",
the seeker and the teacher become One in the same.

for these things. For what happens and how it
happens is God's own mystery. What we must do
is prepare a place within, a space for God's Grace
to enter in.

The disciples asked: "When will the Kingdom you speak of,
when will the Kingdom come?"

Jesus said:"What you look forward to has already come,
but you do not recognize it."

Christ is important, not because he was a highly special God-
man who performed miracles. No, these notions just make the
Christ a hot property which the church could monopolize for
incredible profit, cash, and respect in the community. In fact,
the Christ is important because he is so ordinary: that this
wondrous Vision of God came out of the poverty of the ordinary

 It might take
blind faith to get to the place where the Vision exists; but it
takes a knowing experience in order to realize the Vision.
Christ is more important as a state of Mind than He is as
a particular person who lived two thousand years ago.
I put capitals on words pertaining to Christ, because
once the Mind that is Christ is realized, it is the Vision of God.
Out of the ordinary soul, there is thisVision that is divine.

what is indeed miraculous is that this Heart-Mind
that spans the centuries comes out of the most ordinary soil.
And what changes the ordinary into the divine? This is the same
question as, "What is the Meaning of Life?" Or, "What's
going on?" Let us call the agency that transforms the ordinary
into the divine, let us call it, "the Eucharist."
But it is not the eucharist you will be offered in church.
Or at least not in what passes for church in this day and age.
The mystery has been taken out of our religion. The Bible has
been emasculated.
And it has gotten so bad that the church has negated
the very existence of the Great Realization.