FEBRUARY - DEEP IN THE BUNKER DARK
- FLICKERING YELLOW CANDLES ONLY
- HOW MANY INNER VOICES DO YOU HEAR?
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SCENE 1, Hank and Frank
Hank: I woke up this morning, feeling like I'm
doomed. All my inner voices are condemning me.
Frank: Oh yes? And how many inner voices do
you have?
Hank: I've never counted. But there are at least
five voices, more like six.
Frank: Is that so?
Hank: One condemning voice
is my ex-wife . Another is my grandfather.
One other is the mine captain boss I had. I should
have killed that prick years before he died
a natural death... Now I have to perform
an exorcism... to clear his spirit from my brain...
Frank says: "What are saying? What are
you doing? Where'd you get
those nasty magazines?"
Frank is leaning forward over Hank's shoulder,
watching him read some kind of scrapbook,
inserting pictures with scotch tape...
He notices a horrible smell...
"Something stinks over here!"
Hank: "Don't look at me!" "Why d'ya think I dug
a twenty foot tunnel?"
Frank: "Pardon me? What did you just say?"
Hank: Why d'ya think I moved my bed twenty
feet away?"
"To get away from the stink of you!"
Frank knows this is not true: "You dug
that tunnel when you were going insane
about the cave bear people!
You kept muttering about 'the people of the
east'.
Hank: I remember thinking something about
'the east'. I remember saying, 'Gotta go!'
Frank: You said that several hundred times.
It was more like, "GOTTA GO!"
The truth is - neither man
has washed (washed using water, that is)
in three months...Both of them are wearing
the same clothes now in February that they
dressed in last October... and stayed in right
through November, Decemeber, January etc.
November, that's when the wolves
begin to howl. They howl
all along, every night, most of the year,
Full moon or no moon...But in November
that's when the howling REALLY begins...
the moaning, the barking, and the gutteral
sounds...
Frank: Speaking of "the People of the Bear Cave in the mountains to the East," how did you meet that
woman of yours? How did ya ever manage to split up?
Hank: She tried to kill me with a hammer...
but that wasn't the worst of it!
Frank: What was the worst of it?
Hank: She crept up behind me in the dark.
I didn't know she was there behind me.
She whispered real quietly in my ear, "I'll kill you in your sleep!" That really spooked me.
Frank: Was she serious?
Hank: "It sounded as if she was extremely serious - serious as a heart attack, serious a hemroids
in the fall."
Frank: I hope you hopped on the next train
out of there.
Hank: No, I added a second oak door to
my office. I figured by the time
she hammered through the first door,
I could make my escape out the back
and hop in my car before she could
get her shoes on, I could take off.
down the driveway.
Frank: Did you ever do that? Did
you ever have to make an escape?
Hank: Oh, two or three times I left...but I kept going back.
Frank: So you never made the great
escape...?
Hank: No. I got arrested instead.
*
They have just returned back from Artie's Bar.
They are both lickkered up.
They've been hearing stories of various
insanities that have taken place in the various
burrows up and down the 'Main Lane of WAIT-A-BIT!'
Some of the stories are hilarious.
Some are just plain disturbing - like an
attempted decapitation with a chain saw.
Bertie got real tired of the preacher
trying to bless him, by pressing his palm
down on Bertie's head.
"I don't know where those hands have
been, do I?" said Bertie. "He might be
a preacher, but he has the most obnoxious table
manners I have ever seen!"
"Not only does he fart continually,
but he keeps picking his teeth when he talks,
and if it's not his teeth, he picks his nose!
He keeps stickin stuff up under the table.
And he keeps scratching his ass under
his coveralls... Then he tries to press
that very same hand down upon my head,
or stroke my face with the palm!
When he's drunk... And I'm way too sober
for that kinda shit, no matter how
loaded I am!"
"And when he goes outside to have
a shit... he wipes his ass with the snow.
In the last three months, I've never seen
him wash his hands.... then he takes a hunk
of bread in his hand and hands it to me!" "Even Barbie avoids him like
a contagious rat plague, and she used to
be so sweet on him...remember?"
"Yah, sure," says Frank, "She wuz always
slippin her tongue in his ear, and tickling his
butt!"
"Not no more..." sez Bertie.
"Well, ain't that a kick in the ass!" Hank says.
Later on, back in the burrow, as the two
men lay in their separate bunks, intoxicated,
loaded so's the ceilings wheeled, Hank asked:
"How come you never freak out...
like everybody else, as the winter weighs on?"
"I think it's the 93 days I spent in
the dark in solitary confinement... in the West
Detention Centre."
"Shit! Sorry I asked!" Hank mutters
into his pillow...Nearly unconscious, he says,
"I feel so much fuckin better now!"
They both pass out.
There's no sound but the wind up
from the frozen river.
*
