Sunday, July 14, 2013



          I went to see a psychiatrist once.
          That`s an understatement.

           I was order by the State to undergo extensive
psychiatric treatment, and I wouldn`t have missed
it for the world.
           I heard a voice in my head say: "You fucker,
think of all the taxpayers dollars you cost the country."
That was the MINE CAPTAIN.*****  ONE PERSONA
           And I say, "OK, asshole, true enough.... Come a
little closer so I can grab your throat....You know fucking
well I paid out more than I ever cost the state! So let`s
put that dog to rest for a little while. this PERSONA = SANTA
pretty close to the core of me.
          I intend in this stories to let a few of these personalities
speak up. Now I`m not psycho, totally, I know when this
different people are speaking through me.  I know what
they`re saying and I know what is being said.
          I`m not one of those multi-personality
people who have different PERSONAE take over -
and they don`t even know they`re killing a chicken
at the same time they`re having sex with
their sister.      Ho! Ho!
         I`m not like that and I want to make that clear....
though, sometimes when I`m really high...
       I`m  kidding....

          The point I`m trying to make is this.  I woke
up this morning and I turned on one of my sites
and the first thing I saw before coffee is a big colour picture
of a woman applying electrodes to a man`s genitals
and turning up the juice.
           There are some things you don`t want to see
first thing in the morning  --- it`s different for everybody
            THE WHIP AND THE CROSS - no erotic picture
             ROVING REPORTER ----anything goes verbally
                                                   no nasty pics
WALKER BALLANTINE TIMELINE - attempting no pictorial
             surprises, but because of certain managerial sites
             sharing.... they`ll be some surprises I can`t control

ROVING REPORTER IN WAIT-A-BIT   very little control
                                                                                                               over what goes in (a MAB)

SADOBEG   --- expect straight porn.

  Another PERSONA =  APOLOGETIC SCHOOLBOY (needs to be caned and likes it... ashamed of himself and he should be ha! Ha!

another PERSONA -   SANTA my nickname in Northern Jails
                               kind, generous and a bit MONSTROUS, too --- teaches URBAN SURVIVAL skills  ( see RRR story)
It`s important to remember that when I`m presenting as
the "Apologetic Scoolboy", Santa`s just under the surface
watching the whole show....

I`d get rid of SCHOOLBOY  but his guilt and shame and
       stuttering manner arouses something SICK AND PERVERTED and FUN deep in my psyche....
    It`s like the old joke: patient:  "My brother`s gone PSYCHO - HE THINKS`S HE`S A CHICKEN!
my whole family`s upset about it."
  Doctor says: Well, why don`t you smarten him up?
  Patient says:  Because we need the eggs!
   Same thing here - I could get rid of MR APOLOGY
but I like the spankings....

     And no one`s going to spank SANTA

     Also, there`s a saintly presence who leaps in when
I`m painting a picture.... I call him
ST GUILLAUME.... he  really takes over, but he`s
hard to see. He`s a much better painter than I am....
he`s the Zen presence who`s right in the mix of things.
     He also shows up sometimes when I`m writing
the WHIP AND THE CROSS --- believe it or not, that site was supposed to be funny....sometimes a Ray of Truth blasts through... and all you can do is let it express itself....
      The problem is --- when I start writing the holy, spiritual stuff.... I start getting PREACHY and I don`t know what to call the humourless FOOL who does that...? Ok for now
let`s call him HUMOURLESS FOOL...

       OK these are about all the characters that I can think of
that fill and inform my PSYCHE... except, here are a few other names:  John Rock, JJ Williejohn, Bill Milne, and
Walker Ballantine..... I`d tell you how they all fit in, but I`m not eactly sure....   One thing I can tell you - it`s hard to say Bill Milne through a Microphone.

       Try listing a few of your own personalities or
""psychological stances"" It`s fun to do, and you come
away with a better understanding of who your are.
If you get good results, feel free to e-mail me at: please mark your subject as PERSONAE --- so I`m sure to see your mail.

                  All the best to you,   WALKER BALLANTINE



          My first band past the age of 21 was called: JOHNNY ROCK AND THE ANGELS. This band was situated at a rehearsal space above the Zanzibar Tavern in Toronto.
The Zanzibar is a famous striptease bar on Yonge Street
in Toronto.
           There are many streets in Toronto. But Yonge Street
used to be MAINSTREET, still is
in many ways.
            I had been working on a farm in a place called Verner, west of North Bay. I`d been shovelling
a lot of feed, and sand and shit... and I`d had a lot of bad
jobs  in the past. So I was a physically powerful man -
and I thought I`d be just fine on Yonge St.
           John Rock and the Angels were a tough bunch.
however.  What I didn`t know at first was that everybody
had a hidden weapon...a gun at the ankle, a hidden 
switch, power drugs, axes, hammers, razors and
shotguns... and that was just for Sundays!
          A literary pal of mine used to call this band
that name was more fitting, I suppose, than the Angels.
We were no angels, but everyone has a spiritual side -
even Monsters.
         There are a series of short films about that time, that
place and that era. Many of the real players
are not mentioned in this film, but I suppose you can`t
mention everybody... and names are transient
anyway, and we all pass through many of them.
         I`m a bit different because I have about seven names
in this life - not even talking about re-incarnation ( or whatever pejorative word we use in the West
to describe a phenomenon most of the people
in the world know damn well is going on)...

          The point of this story is I`ve felt a lot
of SHAME in my life, due to a fucked-up upbringing
in many ways.  This is not abnormal
this is about average in our culture.

           So I say to my psychiatrist:  "All I want to be
is a normal guy."
           He says to me,  Walker, you are many
things...(and he listed some of those things) but ONE
Now that`s not something you want to hear from
your psychiatrist.

           The first band was made up of a group of
musicians who knew the Zanzibar. I rented a room
upstairs. We`d meet there and rehearse. A pal of mine
says to me, "You  should  called  your band THE MONSTERS  instead of the ANGELS

                                                           *    *    *

                  WE all know things move in cycles
             The cycles of the moon are the most obvious
I remember my doctor sister, Sheila,  saying things were twice as bad in the Emergency Rooms during a full moon. d Toronto "the Good".  Ha! Ha!    Nobody calls it that anymore, and I know why!
         I was there for many of the NOT GOODIE TWO SHOES celebrations... when the real heavies came out...This is when I was sixteen and I didn`t expect some flashy white guy in sunglasses to pull a nine millimetre automatic out of his
pants with silencer and start firing quiet but impressive shots into the plaster of a chapel I knew and respected....
        Then he threw out handfuls of white powder
onto the hardwood pews and CHOIR PRACTICE
was over...,  we brought out the bass and the drums
and rolled back the carpet in the centre aisle....and things
got loud.
         This guy was screwed unconscious and he passed out face down into a stack or prayer books... and we heard sirens coming our way and things moved fast... I locked the door
of the   (sp?)  chapestry    where they keep the less expensive communal wine.
         You should have seen the Choir Boys snort and gobble that night.... Just like they were used to doing
when they were with the priests.... well, the gobbling, anyway...Ho!  Ho!   Boo!   Cheap shot!
          That was unkind.  Most of
those priests and ministers were fine fellas, and I mean it - kind souls,  but it`s easy for me to say. I was never
taj=ken from behind by a man wearing priestly robes....
not until later.... Later a strong blonde busty German gal
with big breasts and legs that could hold up the stars ( and in fact did hold up my stars)  gave it to me... and taught me the meaning... of the word:   PROSTATE MASSAGE.
           God!  Another scam!  More lies about  RIGHT AND WRONG!" 
           I highly recommend that you get some sturdy gal
with long fingers to massage your prostate.....
it feels great  --- thought I was gay for a minute, but no,
this is normal... Men we have an extra sex gland
we have hidden from ourselves
           I ask you what would these uneducated
judgmental school-assed and twerps know
about RIGHT AND WRONG.... Before you can comment
on `right and wrong` you must get your head
out of your MOMMIE`S ASS!
          Of course there`s nothing wrong
with mommie`s ass, depending on whose Mommy we`re
talking about....and what you intend to do with that Ass.
Of course, if you are her son - certain things are supposed
to be out.... beyond the pale.... forbidden ,,, even to rat man.
          Tell me what a forbidden country ass does to your


         Turkey`s in the pot;
 Johnny`s on the spot       
Hilda`s on the cock of a dove.
 Pukkha`s in tha orch
 Four liquor are torqued
  And Pussy needs a bolt from above3.
((((  Elmer`s got a bend
 in the trend cradenza   sp 
     And Pussy needs a bolt of love.  

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