Thursday, June 7, 2012



        I"M SURE YOU HAVEN'T ( ha! Ha!), but
have you ever woken up facedown in bed,
and looked out through a far too open window
with no screen on it.... And you think this
in your mind, without any previous thought
touching your brain, you think: "OOOOoooooooo,
I'm such an asshole!"

       Now if this has never happened to you,
well, I'm surprised. Because it has happened to your
Roving Reporter many times, and after all,
in my office we believe in truth and  integrity
at all costs.
        Some times  the cost is quite high.
         Sometimes such honesty is so costly
that you'll lose another reporting job.
          Maybe this is why I'm writing you now
for free.

         I just heard a voice and I
looked up suddenly (which is always
a mistake with a hangover). I suppose it
must have been my voice. It wasn't
"The Cat That Someone Forced Me to Take",
because, crazy beast that she can be, she usually
doesn't talk... she merely stares at me in
a most disquieting way.
        I find eye contact disturbing at times
such as this. Especially when I look
in the mirror.
        Now I don't have any mirrors
in this apartment.... Not true! There's one in the
bathroom. But the Big Guy hasn't bought a
light bulb in seven months. Me, I don't need a
mirror. But some of the other personalities
do like to look at themselves.

        I went to the dentist in the middle
of last week. He said, "I'm going to pull
some teeth."
         I tried to say "WTF"! but there were
at least three hands in my mouth and
my protest didn't come out coherently..
          He said, "I'm only going to pull some
teeth from the left side."
           I woke up this morning, looked in
the mirror that wasn't there and said:
"Dear God! I hope the left side
was the right side!"

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sure. Sometimes when I've been drinking, in moderation at all times ( for you right wing Christians out there) I sometimes ask myself, "Is this article as funny as I think it is this morning, or is it just incoherent and deranged?
    Your comments would be appreciated about this one and the other "Blind Jimmy" blog. I believe I've only written two.
    "One never knows, does one." Laurence Sanders