STUDIES IN ORGASM: " IF YOUR FETISH IS NOT HIGHLY EMBARASSING, IT IS NOT YOUR FETISH!

    
         I'm going to try to keep this article short, because it is not a Case Study. Our psychologist is indisposed. And our attending physician looks at me with the old  fish eye. Is it something I've done? Is it something I've said?  Does everybody hate me?
          Who cares? If you're not careful a few negative thoughts can transform into a real BLACK MAMBO SNAKE OF A NEGATIVE SCRIPT. Negative scripts usually derive from parental voices,but this is not always the case. Sometimes it's too much exposure to an evil priest. Or it can be a thieving predatory Uncle. Or maybe your grandmother fixes you with a cold, condemning stare
and says something understanding to you, like: "They should bring back the lash!"

            And this is a perfect segue into the case of a Male Masocist, who we'll call Charles. We'll maintain our policy of anonymity, because a person can tell an intimate story after a few drinks and be horrified that he said a word in the morning. And if that person feels true dread about what he might have said, he doesn't want to see his story appear in some kind of headline the next day!
             
             CASE 3 - CHARLES
              _________________


             This case is just as Charles related it. (I might have added an adjective here or there).




           " I can only imagine the horrors she visited upon me when I was a naked babe of six months, lolling and gurgling in my bassinette, fondling my infantile erection and watching the seagulls
fly past the windows to the south."
            "I seem to remember a few of those early times quite clearly. I remember being sexually stimulated before I reached one year of age. Many people will say, 'Oh that's bullshit!' But I can tell you, the existence of infantile arousal is a fact that is beyond dispute. I remember quite a few very intense moments while I was still standing in my crib with the walls up, so I wouldn't chase some hot number down the stairs on my hands and knees.There were those two Scandanavian
maids.. but they are another story."
             "There are a few other suspects. I had visitors when I was in naked in the mini-bath. There was my grandmother, "Nana" who had a snake-eyed cold streak sometimes when she stared down at me. Her primary interests were: Flogging, Punishment, and the Lash!  So I was not imagining her evil eye. I am almost certain that my early arousals did not have anything to do with this reptilian mind from the Victorian era. She was not a woman who believed in titillation. You can trust me in this."
             "Then there was my mother, who was a hot number; and in the fifties, stylish women wore tight skirts that hugged the hips and descended to constrain the knees - almost as if they were in
bondage.Thoughts of bondage prey upon my mind, even to this day.  I remember watching her hips sway as she sauntered teasingly out of my bedroom. I was standing there, a prisoner in my crib. I probably was screaming and begging her to stay. I remember the feeling of begging which arouses me even now."
               "I discovered this recently, to my  shock and surprise. Helplessly begging for a woman's favours, even grovelling while I beg: this is a real turn-on for me."

                 (I know this is not the subject of this BLOG. But  a masocistic fetish is very similar in men and women)


               " I remember there was a party going on downstairs. I was allowed to join the cocktail party before going to bed. I crawled under my mother's skirt and it was some kind of crinoline affair. I stood under her dress for about twenty minutes while my mother talked to other drinkers. I remember staring up at her crotch and buttocks all tightly encased in a taut girdle. I stood there looking up for what seemed like twenty minutes. It was probably closer to five minutes - but no less than that! A young fella can absorb a whole lot of reality in that length of time!"
               "I wanted to stay at the party for obvious reasons. I remember feeling heat in my groin.
Then she carried me upstairs and said goodnight to me and I watched her teasingly walk away,
as deliberate in her taunting as any hooker I followed down Mainstreet in later years. Exactly the same, really. And then she killed the lights and slowly and with exacting firmness shut the door. There was a sadistic streak in the way she shut the door."
                "I was left to my own devices and it took me a long time to catch my breath and lose my boner. All my life I've been trying to analyse why I've been a masocist aroused by pain and and a
humiliating sense of my own helplessness. For the longest time I had no idea what happened to me! Now I think I have a clue. But discovery has taken 30 years."
               "And to be honest, as I grew to maturity I found these truths about myself highly embarassing. What man wants to be intensely hot and tumescent over feeling ineffectual, helpless and powerless? It has been very hard on my self esteem."
                "After 2,000 hours of psychotherapy, I see that embarrassment  can be part of the fun.
But it's only when I'm in the control of a dominant woman with a sadistic streak that I can have any fun at all."
                

                 After reviewing  Charles' story, let me enumerate one  definite principle of sexology:

                 PRINCIPLE 7: IF YOUR FETISH IS NOT HIGHLY EMBARRASSING AND SHAMEFUL TO YOU, IT IS NOT YOUR REAL FETISH!


               Charles: "Yes, begging mother not to leave. I wanted her to stay, for all the wrong reasons. And I can clearly see her sauntering away, slowly, teasingly swinging her hips, while I was panting and begging her to stay, screaming and pleading. I remember her shutting off my bedroom lights, walking towards the light in the hall. and without turning around, I remember she deliberately and very firmly shut my bedroom door. I have reenacted that denial many times throughout the years in many demeaning ways."