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Friday, June 9, 2017

A WRITER'S NOTEBOOK - WHEN YOU NEED TO WRITE, WHAT TO DO FIRST. --- DISCOVER WHO WANTS YOU DEAD!



        When you need to write, there's a very delicate balance of which you must apprise yourself.
                    (The above phrase is correct grammatically,  But it's impossible to use.
I find myself, when I'm writing, deliberately
slipping into bad English - in order to help the flow of the words.
                    And if I'm in character - like in the character of one of the many weirdly educated inhabitants of WAIT-A-BIT! --- then I positively have to use bad English, street English, or (even worse) bush English.  Bush English has a lot of psuedo-French phrases that have done snuck in.)

          If you HAVE TO write, you're in an unfortunate situation you'll never be able to explain to anybody -  especially your girlfriend or wife. Unless she has exceptional understanding. Maybe she's a writer herself, or a bartender... in which case she will sometimes understand.

        People in your immediate environs will try to suck your blood - drain you emotionally and build up your psychological blockages & increase them - to make you weak, so they can suck your dry.

        I am not speaking metaphorically. I am speaking literally. These people want  to Drink Your Blood. You must not let them.
         You simply cannot allow it. You must
say, "NO" to all sorts of things.

         Most people have psychological problems.
And major problems with their families. There is no such thing as a "normal" family. Don't look for that supposed normality in your own family. It won't be there.

            So... dealing with your psychological
disadvantage is bad enough. If you are prone
to clinical depression: if you have this problem,
you cannot take horseshit from anyone.
           If you do, if you're a sensitive soul as writers must be, someone dumping on you will throw you off your game for weeks!  Maybe months!
           And the appropriate question to ask is:

"DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME? DO YOU WANT ME DEAD?"

          If you have a problem with clinical depression,it's difficult enough just to get up and stop gaping out and staring at the wall or your boots for another 12 hours.
            It's difficult enough just to get up and sit in your chair in your place of work - without having to deal with other people's psychological rages and monstrosities.

             You can't do it! No one can do it, and if someone keeps putting you through this kind of low-end deformed shit --- Avoid them at all costs. They are trying to kill you, and they won't stop.
             All you need is one bottom-feeding hateful sub-aquatic  salamander  in your life and you won't write a word for decades. That means you'll likely die as a failure... unless you stand up at 4:00 A.M. some dark morning...
stand up on a cliff-top and HOWL... Howl like the dogs!
           Howl  like your innermost psyche needs to howl --- HOWL as if the hounds of hell are barking at your heels. (Because this is what is happening.) Drive the psyche-sucking bastards away. Lock your door and keep it locked.  Bathe in silence and heal.
            
      Say, "NO!" to all social events. You need the three-headed dog Cerberus to guard your door!  And drive the other monsters away.

            It's a matter of sink or swim, live or die.

            IF YOU HAVE TO WRITE, you're at the mercy of the elements!

            Don't let anybody else diminish your problems and say, "bullshit!" in front of your face. Don't let anyone discount what you are attempting to say... The fact of the matter is he/she knows fuck-all about the impossible difficulties you are dealing with.
           Don't let them say, "Oh, you're just being childish." That's an attempt to manipulate you and make you cough up more blood. This person is not your friend. This person is your enemy masquerading as someone else. You don't need a parasite to drag you down.
           ** Half the organisms on Earth are parasites.** Don't you ever forget this. Forget this at your peril. Just because a person is in your family, it doesn't mean he or she wishes you well.

                The life of a writer is precarious. He's not making any money, often not for decades.
And the straights say to you: "Go out. Get a job. It's easy."
               They don't know how ridiculous this sounds to you -  the writer who needs to write -
especially if you are labouring under some psychological deficiency, which most writers are... hell, most people are!

              A writer is different. He needs his full mind in order to face the vast virgin page. He needs FULL CAPACITY. And sometimes it takes days or weeks to get to full capacity. And these are  frustrating, maddening times. He/she might be half insane at such times... a little psychosis might be creeping in, a little paranoia, also.
             If you put pressure on a writer who needs to write at such times, don't look for a balanced response. The poor bastard is floating on a sea of rage which he has blocked and doesn't feel himself...
               But, trust me, he might not be able to feel it just yet... but the fire is in the burner and the engines are stoked. He might not know his own rage. But you'll know it, soon enough.

               So "he" needs to say, "No."  
"She" needs to say, No!"  You need to say, "No!" When your psychological and financial well-being is at stake. And even more, when your ability to work at full throttle, no restraint
is threatened...

         You have to be cold-blooded about it. You can take no prisoners. You have to rise up out of the depressive undersea world you have been living in - step up out of the tunnel into the sun and repel all boarders.
        And say, "NO!"




          You can't do a thing until you give birth to the book that is burning inside you. You can't think, let alone converse.
           You're walking knock-kneed and pigeon-toed down the street, way off balance in a most unattractive position.
               
            The better writer you are, the more problems you will likely have socializing. I wish this weren't true, but it is.

               The people who praise a great writer a century hence - these are the very same people who despised him and offered no help at all when the man was alive. When he was picking through rags on the street.
                  It seems ridiculous, doesn't it? That the person whose life is working in words, that he or she can't say a thing.

            There's no splaining these things, Lucy!

               If a writer wants help,. he must go to the poorest among us - the most disenfranchised. Only the people who are destitute know what this man is going through, They're going through the same thing themselves... they, themselves, are social pariahs. They know if a man is just standing there, staring at a wall; and he has stood in the same position for several hours:  he might have a very good reason for doing so.

           




          I was sitting at a table in the cafeteria of a University Hospital in downtown Toronto. Sitting with me were two psychologists and one psychiatrist. We'd known each other for several years.
              They had just returned from a conference in Arizona. The conference was on the subject called, "FAMILY THERAPY."
              At the end of five days of speeches and discussions, the assembly of doctors was asked to come up with one question that summed up the most central concerns regarding family therapy that they had discussed in the week  just passed.

                 The most central question the assembly of doctors came up with after a whole week of talking is:

"In your own family, WHO WANTS YOU
                DEAD?"

It's essential to find out who that person may be... in your immediate environment.




(C) 2017 by W.G. Milne



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