Sunday, June 23, 2013


         Trust me!  Tetons maudits!  Tetons stupides!
         This might be the most serious question facing Canada today!  
            And I`m not lying! I only wish I were lying, but I`m not!   And the fiscal implications are horrendous! Canada
needs a new economic plan all right!

          In our country you have to laugh. If a person cannot
laugh in Canada, I get the sense that person is out of
touch with reality.
          Nine months of the year we freeze our nards off.
           Then summer comes.... Blackflies! Blackflies!
Mosquitoes big as houses and god knows how smart..
I saw one about the size of a marble slowly, patiently
testing each square in the screen of my hat....for fifteen
minutes straight he kept probing.  Are we strong enough
to deal with insect minds will like that?
           Yes, we are.... but just barely. But if we can`t
find something to laugh about in THIS country - laugh even
as we`re running away... ( from constant clouds of humming...flies.... swarming everywhere you walk -wildly,
intensely mad after your blood.... durring tanning season.
          Or laugh after five months of not being able to
exit the front door walking upright like a man.... because the snows up to your second floor windows.... and you have to burrow on all fours for 16 feet after you get past your door...
          (Actually,  I`m not laughing now.   Writing this is
depressing the shit out of me!)
           If the Prime Ministers can`t laugh because they`re
stunned with the horror of it all,,, I can respect that.
           But no. they are not stuck dumb with horror -
they walk around with that mannekin smile prtending
everything`ss hunky dorey.
             Hunkey dory, my ass! Haven`t they seen
the flies?  Haven`t blinded by an endless white-out
like the rest of us?
             No, these realities don`t sink trhough to
the mind of the squarehead.... Squaredhead`s
solution, "LET`S BAN PAROLE!"
              OOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo, God!
What genius thought that one up...?
               And we vote the morons back in - and one
party isn`t a whole lot better than the other.
And... this is a preliminary consultation right now!

                                              Respectfully submitted,  RR
                                            Discard nothing; everything
                                           may serve.
                                          Carpe Diem. And hand me a
                                         drink,  Artie.

          "WHY? WHY? WHY?"  said the hooker to the Bishop
hiding behind one-way  glass, who happens to be
licking the glass as he watches Cassandras ass... in the 
lighter room beyond the glass....she can hear the slurping
sounds on the other side of the mirror....."If you`re gonna LIK SOMETHING, WHY NOT THIS. sHE  smaks her pussy
with the flat of her hand.. NO EXTRA CHARGE!"
               Oh, but the bishop doesn`t want that... too much
blood to blood contact in licking pussy.... no! no! he`ll do it 
the religious way - licking  the glass and jerking off like a crazed
monkey with a broomstick up his ass... no need to pay
too much extra for that!
        ((( My erstwhile enemy, friend and verbal sparring partner...Tabarnac! In 4 minutes of conversation a death occurred...H ewouldn have needed to be shot out of cannon if I`d got my hands round his scrawny neck.... He`d be laughing about this ISSUE ----Fuckin Canadians!"  he goes outside
a fires a shot -- thought I heard a Canada Goose!))
 calisse un volee... Porco Dio, fuck!

            Our Prime Minister, whoever is the fuck it was or is, or ever shall be -
told us not to worry about the Cruise Missile Tests because there was
(no way in hell) my words, we were going to all allow nukes on the cruise missiles - so
as we hear em go by whistling thru the pines... which are about four to six feet
tall this far north, we weren`t to worry... no nukes, so relax... unless one of those low
flying, easy to aim babies hits you right square in the head, no sweat.... no worry
at all nukes...ha! ha! ha!
        One thing I really want to know is - how in the name of God`s little green
demons does a whole nation who  know how manage to hire the most humour-less
squared-head dumb-eyed fuckin morons who know how to LOOK intelligent...
          Because we trust them?  Naw, it`s something much darker than this -
darker and more twisted,  dark and perverted.... like my friend Lightfoot
Saunders who kept getting arrested because he WANTED to go to jail -
he thought her deserved it... either that or he was a sicke masocist
than I had him figured for...
     I bet about 20% of this country keep going to jail, because they find
the idea of being punished exciting.... Oh, Jesus!  And if you do the math,
since only about 32 to 42% of the country VOTE in the first place, and those who
vote are probably not the brightest third of the country.... and if 20% of the Country
go to jail becauise they  WANT TO BE PUNISHED..... do you see? This would explain
 how we get the stunned fools we do get.... And then everybody sirts still
and tries not to laugh or masturbate when the STUNNED CUNT talks down
to us...
                As if HE knows something WE don`t. Boy is he missing the boat!
And if we vote these fools in because we enjoy being punished by the fact that
we have to list to this MORON speaking serioully and we know all
the time that this blithering idiot is in charge of the police,  and can make
up some idiotic new laws in the criminal code.. that are really going to FUCK US OVER.
              Do you see why it`s important to understand S&M and joys of DOMINANCE AND SUBMISSION.... we might hide our proclivities in the CLOSET but this shiut
comes out and bites us ubnnm the ass,
and I am uniquely qualified to follow this story right down to its
grisley ends..........
                                         You forget, I used to be a criminal defence
attorney, and I know some of the weird reasons people go to jail... not simple at all! 
And as you may or may not be, but you otta be aware,  I`ve been processed thru
several incarcerations myself.  And when i  finally wqs settled in my cell, I remember the relief I felt when I was able to push my swollen foreheda between two cool bars, no more than 4 inches
a part =--- that cool, soothing feeling was heaven.
            And when the short heavy-hipped female jail boss in shiny boots went clicking by and snapped  her gum to the rhytmm of her hoof -, to have her step by and shine a light in my face,
and say nothing but turn up her nose at me and walk by clicking along the terrazzo... ignoring
me entirely, showing my how superiror is to me - there I am locked in a cool-barred cage,
and she`s free... free to walk around that circle every fifteen minutes all night long...
and she`s free to bring the prisoners little medical things when they ass for it -
aspirin, more bumwad, notes to nurse and:  "Get that dink back in your pants or
I`l have ya howlin like a basset hound cauht on  a spikedroad   wd barrier   wd
             Aha!  the action begins. The poor fool one cell over has starrted to play
with himself....I can hear Louisa laughing as she walks slapping something against her leather gators...
             You don`t have to wear gators as a jail guard anymore - I don`t think
they ever were required as past of the uniform... but theynmake a nice snapping 
noise when you slap a billy club against èm.  Now we got the click of the heels  and
the snap of the billy club on leather... clck,. click, click...snap...clcik.,, click...
snap---snap.... clcick... clcick... snap-a-dap-a-crack-a-lack... Back! whack!
Dack,dack , dack, dacxk , dack dack... "THAT`S DISGUSTING !"
         "Hoo!Hoo! Hoo!  Hoo!" I trying no to laugh out loud.
           The poor fool! Does he at least have the sense to step back from the bars...
            Louisa really does have a nasty temper! She has a temper in French and
a temper in English. But you know she`s not really losing her mind `til she starts
swearing in both languages at once!  "Jesus Christ! Colis, Sweet fucking God!
What you got wrapped arond that thing!!??!!"
            She turns on that 3 foot flashlight with the taser strapped to it with
duct tape...Ostie!  Tabarnak!  Where`d you get all that tape!
Aw, shit!  Fuck me!  Teton maudit! Criss calice de TABARNAK! You fukin fool!COCKSUK an english duck!!
       "Ho! Ho! Ho!` that`s a new one  ( Im not saying
a word.... she`s about to fly off the handle
       "What was that?"  guy to the right of me asks in a stage
        I whisper back, "She said she`s gonna beat the shit out of the duck-sucking TIT MAUDIT! Tabarnak enmerdee
of Christly bird-balled ass-dripping momma`s boy
hung like an English field mouse....
         "J`MEN cALICE!!!! a pound a tape and a gram a dick!
A long arm and a short wick!""
         LOUISA`s got the whole place laughing now.... howling
with laughter.... real quiet like..... No one wants her
to stop,,,,
                  "THIS IS BETTER THAN HBO!"
                  WHO SAID THAT?
                     Shut up, Nemo!  Leave the lady along ---
she`s got a difficult situyation to deal with....

                   Even LOUISA starts to laugh at this... she goes
to get her pal  GOOSE-AA.... Gooseeaa`s a monster guard
with huge shoulders and tits and a myopic stare, and one eye`s slightly off-  this can be a mark of great beauty in a her case, it is not... So when she stares at
you with barely-suppressed fury ( as she is always furious)
you don`t know whether she`s looking at you or someoen
else,  you hope to Giod it`s someone else...because this is a gal that can really hurt you... she weighs in at 280 to 300 pounds, depending on her sex life the week before....I`m told she keeps her 120 pound unemployed  husband locked in the basement.. where he can do the laundry and boil the twenty
pounds of turnip and potatoes for the next meal...
            I`m told, and this may not be entirely true, that when she gets home... she beats the shit out of her husband
who wears a loin cloth and no shoes.... soon as her car pulls
into the driveway.... you can here him scampering up and down... the hallway downstairs --- the one part of the basement that has wooden floors... barefoot but quick
and muttering words that sound like pleas...
           Jail spies are every where - and after youǜe spent four
or fice months watching the the odd habits of each different guard....well, when they go on vacation, get loaded or suspended... and maybe someone on your range gets...
well, we damn well want REPORTS.... and if it`s some
little wussy, momma boy like pindick in he cell to my left,
then he damn well write us and tell what`s happening...
in our favourite odd strange guards life....
            Or he`ll receive a beating on the street,
worse than the ones he used to get from momma...
he`ll get a beating like the one he only wishes momma
would give him....
            Like Hank`s spiritual adviser used to tell him, when Hank got on his high horse  (ha! ha! I said, `horse`! 
            "Yeah,"  Artie says... "And if you`re gonna start
doing that anyway, you might as well sweep up the MAIN LANE while you`re being forced to enjoy yourself. Har! Har!"
           `"Jesus, how much of that OVERPROOF have
we got left, Artie.... he distills it in a 25 gallon drum...
Artie goes over a raps the barrel with a stick.. down to
about the last 5 gallons..."  
          "Ooooo SACRAMENT! Coliise enmerdee  Osti de
Christoph! FUCK ME GENTLY!"
           "TETON MAUDIT, Hank.... you better get yourself outside and start digging
and diggin potatoes...   ... this is serious!`
         "Wait! Wait Wait! Let me get this down first -
what did you just say??
she looks at you, you have no idea whether she`s staring at
you or something else... 
            "Oh, no, do I have to call the nurse? She hates being woken up
at 3:00 AM!  Gets damn surly. Nurse is up, the whole damn jail`s going
to upo -  lights on,  cell inspections, the whole...
            Some of the newcomers shudder in fear..."Cell inspection... cell..
             That`s about as likely as peaches blooming in the jailyyard in February...
as likely as tanning in the bush in July... as like as...
             "Jesus God, they`re turning purple. Don`t start touching it now...
while Im standing here trying to help.... what sort of a perverted prick
are you???
             He`s  aperverted LITTLE prick, Boss!
             Needless to say all the range is awake, and the one out back of us, too...
and likely the two rangeS downstairs...
            "SHUT THA FUK UP!"  Bull Greens howls from the back range... what the hell`s
going on.  Ha! Ha! He`s indignant now.... not as indignant as the 23 old ladies whose
purses he stole in the hospital... They`d like to do to Bull Green what Louisa`s doing to

and say, "Get that dink back i n yer pants, cup cakes...
or next round, when I shine somethin at ya it`ll be  a taser taped to a 3 foot flashlight,  and when I jolt ya with 5ooos your lower unit.Il hear you squeal like the dock song of the mackarel
           She`s coming back around her home on the range          

And next time round  on on your loose-assed knees, singing like high-pitched Joan of Arc on fire... fruitcake you`d better believes
            I`ll fry those Squirrel nuts clean off
                                        SO WHAT DO YA THINK?  Do you think we hire
STIFFS as out Prime Ministers because we have an unconscious
but very strong Masocistic need and desire to be punished.....
                                     Because, If that is the case --- there are lot cheaper ways
to get the punishment you (we) deserve... And I can arrange your treatment for one 500thh of what you pay in taxes.
                                      Why work your ass off to keep up with the Jonses, when the
jonses are getting screwed  fro cash, bad as you --- AND
YOU BOTH will gladly pay more for forgiveness...
                     JESUS!  DON`T hire a expensive DUMB
Prime Minister...hire a smart DOMINATRIX to punich
                      GOOD GOD, CANADA, get with it! 
                                        Whippings don`t take long.. or cost much comparatively
 and after you get  what you clearly need  -your time will be your own!
                                      Or does our unconscious NATIONAL PUNISHMENT PLAN go  more deeply into our depraved Psyche than even I, at the moment, can imagine?

No comments:

Post a Comment