Friday, October 12, 2018



What had happened to me?
I wanted to know
on that Christmas morning
all alone
I saw one star
amid a sky of cloud
I didn't understand
it wasn't possible
and I wondered 

with all those lost dreams
where I had gone
and lost myself beneath the wave
beyond the farthest mountain

under the sea
where lady with her red dress
was waiting

I saw fear in the great mirages
success, death, happiness
little did I know that
none of those
was permanent

I had to seem so tough
to confront you
a regular he-man
a regular screw
whatever happened to the child I knew
in the land of Nod?

then I started laughing
I laughed with that last star
as God's eye opened
and blessed me from afar

from beyond the rusted alleys
and the wasted streets
and the dull grey depression
that greets every success-bound
boy - a real rube I was
to some other tune

but then the laughter started
I don't know when it came
I just know I no longer
was the same

the dark days had broken
their bats' wings on the walls
your gloomy illusion
did completely fall
and I was free again
free as I had been
free as the open skies
above a sheath of rain
free as the dark wildcat
with her quivered thighs
free as the sweet child
who no longer fears the night

free as the lost shepherd
coming home again
free as all the little boys
lost in the rain

with just a leather jacket
and nothing in their pants
free as the dark pines
towering over me
with a great Significance
oh don't ask what it means
free without the dark tide
that consumed my life

free as the lost chickens
playing in the grass
free as the adolescents
checking out the ass

of every passing schoolgirl
free as horses and maidens
sailing ships that pass
free as fourth of July crackers
as a madman's laugh

free as crickets in the night
and the crimson tide of death
free as dark beginnings
so lost then in the night
free as bears in the forest
walking on my path

and now in the forest laughing
laughing a new laugh
free as Christmas morning
with a little child

free as all true lovers
across the miles

free as broken English
on a sea-side holiday
free as new tires squealing
at the crack of day

free as the dark night
when all is lost
free as the new morning
drenched in rain

and now I'm here without you
and I'm glad again
whatever did happen
to all the pain?

* * *
W.G. Milne (C) 1976

(I woke up early this morning
as has been my habit lately
now that I have fallen into my new health
regime - of taking my bicycle to the liquor
store and back - every time I want another bottle.

I pass out anywhere from five to nine P.M. 
I wake up about two A.M. Maybe get up or have
another nap to complete the last night's
This morning at 3:30 A.M. I started to
pick pieces of paper off the floor. And I found this sheet I was about to throw away.
There was tiny, scrawled writing on both sides of the single page. The poem below is what I found.
This is how my poems unfolded when I got rolling. There was not a correction on the entire page, so I'm not making any.
I have been criticized for
my expansive style and rhyme schemes.
But now I can't care about the critics.
No one can say I'm not a poet. I am what I am
and I'm comfortable, even quite pleased
with myself.
I'm happy I didn't throw this gem away.)


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