Thursday, February 5, 2015



There used to be a writer for the Globe and Mail in Toronto, who did a weekly article called, "a Writer's Notebook." I think this is a good idea since writers ( like me) have long attention spans...when we're hot on an article, but extremely short attention spans when listening to the opinions of others.
         In the 'writer's notebook' method, a posting may have four different subjects. I wanted to give Richard Needham a thumb's up because this idea was originally his,
and the title was his also.


(Jesus! What a subject  for early February!)

(1) DEPRESSION is anger turned inwards.

So they say, but I've never totally understood this definition.
However there is no question that repression, both spiritual and sexual, repression is a major cause of rage...
and rage repressed causes depression.  

In my psychological studies (and when I have been studied) 

I 've learned that
repression, for example female orgasm repression,
is a major cause of stress and rage, and not just among

women.  Rage not felt
is depression.

(2) DEPRESSION is listening to your 'Negative
Script' 24 hours a day, 7 days a week - listening
to that hateful inner voice circling round,
just above your unconscious mind - saying
vicious statements about your lack of worth,
about your ultimate identity as a shit.

(3) DEPRESSION is believing that your life
is over when it's not, and while other people think you are doing
well...(when in fact you are doing well)


(4) DEPRESSION is distrusting the motives of those
people you love. For example, thinking your
wife and children can't wait to bury you. Can't wait to kill you for the money wrapped up in your life insurance policy...

or you can't wait to kill yourself for the money in your
insurance policy.

And your neighbours want to steal your land.

And more such paranoid thoughts, which may or may not
be true.

(5) DEPRESSION is the feeling that you yourself are
worthless scum, and you don't deserve to live,
and the voice circling inside your head confirms
this belief repeatedly, a hundred different

(There are techniques for avoiding the NEGATIVE
SCRIPT, but they are not easy and they don't always work).

(6) One quarter (1/4) to one third (1/3) of Manic
DEPRESSIVES kill themselves. It's a very dangerous

             So survival schemes are necessary. A plan
is essential, and a calender to map out the upcoming
nadirs of your mind.

(7) DEPRESSION is no fun. Depression can kill you,
even when you try to run
to avoid it.

((When I wrote this depression bit, I found some of the

paragraphs funny...This morning before coffee, I'm
not so sure))




So I found myself locked up with a man who liked
to talk. He talked all thru last night, but I heard very little
as I passed out about ten seconds

after I was pushed into the green steel

drunk cell - the kind with a drain in the floor,

and a floor that slopes gently down to the drain -

the kind that they can  hose down in the morning.

         My cell mate was shaking his fist and striking a

pose to make a speech. There was no one


         The police shut the outside door,

cutting off the five "night cells" from their own hearing

and the hearing of the public as well.









I have been lying to people, saying I buy this cheap sherry from the LCBO because it's the best value in the store (which it is)... Saying this, "It's OK if you add water to it (which I do) and add  lime to it. Which I never have done.    

            Actually, any alcoholic drink you get very
very used to... it'll be just fine. Your alcoholic body
will crave the alcohol so much that a mess of water
will not ruin the drink. In fact, a major inundation of water into your booze will be more than all right. Your addicted,twisted, perverted, craven alcoholic soul JUST WANTS THE BOOZE!

Your real body, the spiritual, cultured, happy and generous " spiritual" part will want the extra water... Do you know why? Because your body BLOODY WELL NEEDS THE WATER!! So this will improve the drink - in so far as you'll be healthy enough to have another.

And the limes, which I have never put in before... but spoke of because I wanted to make the low cost drink sound classy... The limes I NEVER bought and added, tho I said I did...Well, today LIMES WERE ON SALE at the grocers. So what did I do? I bought ten of them. And you know what? LIMES MAKE THIS DRINK TERRIFIC!!! Just as I said it would in my MENDACIOUS storytelling.

        Fantasy, reality, storytelling and mendacity
all combine today, right here, right now - they weave together
into a wonderland of truth, taste and lies
INTO A BEATIFIC piece of exquisite drinking!!!

So what does this mean?  Does it means I was
telling the truth all along? Not exactly. But I'd order this drink in a chic chic expensive bar any time. If I could get them to carry the ingredients.


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